In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time jobs while they are still in school.
Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages?
With an ever increasing concern about getting part-time jobs among students, some individuals may argue that having many experience of working in part-time jobs is advantageous for students to prepare their future. This essay, however, will content some reasons why I think part-time working will bring about disadvantages for students.
To begin with, advocates of this issue may tend to contend that working in part-time jobs is helpful for students by providing many opportunities for getting decent jobs and by helping students to establish economic behavior and thoughts. Firstly, given that various experiences helps young people gain skills and practical knowledge for future jobs, working part-time working is one of the most substantial measures to achieve their goals such as well-paid jobs. Especially in mordern society, companies prefer applicants who have many proper experiences for their position and roles. Secondly, in terms of economy, young people can earn money by themselves, which it helps students learn how hard to earn money and what they need to know for spending money well.
In spite of some advantages above mentioned above, I believe that getting part-time jobs will bring about disadvantages for students in the long term. People in schools cannot concentrated on their role as a student like studying or making good relationship with their friends, in that works, even though it is part-time, need a lot of energy and students have to make an effort to get both of working and studying. If students concentrate on their lives in schools. there is also there are also a lot of things to learn for preparing to get better jobs in the future. Furthermore, in terms of safety, students in workplaces will not be protected as much as those people in schools. For example, some companies may harness students without giving them a proper pay proper paying and social insurances by using the rules that a proportion of schools do not allow students work and by providing no information and knowledge about social insurances.
In conclusion, it seems that working in part-time jobs is beneficial for students, Nevertheless, I believe that part-time jobs will bring about more disadvantages than advantages for teenagers in the long term. Encouraging students to concentrate on studying is more useful for young people in school.
총평: (6/7/7/6) 일단 최근 몇몇 글에 있었던 철자 관련 사항들이 거의 없어졌다는 점이 가장 긍정적이네요. 이로 인해 글의 인상 자체가 훨씬 깔끔해졌습니다. 문법 쪽도 자잘한 오류들 제외하면 괜찮았기 때문에 이정도면 6.5는 괜찮을 겁니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)