The increase in the production of consumer goods causes damage to the natural environment, what are the reasons and what can we do to solve this problem?
It is true that demand of production made
by the natural environment is increasing. The main cause of this issue is that
almost everything we use is made by the natural environment. However, there also are solutions to this pressing issue.
To begin with, there are a variety of
reasons why products of consumer goods damage the natural environment. First of
all, cosmetics and skin care products we use every day are produced after
checking whether these are safe or not to human by testing experimental rats.
It is inhumane, of course, but a lot of scientists argue that testing experimental
mice is the best way to check the safety. Also, they claim that there are no
alternative ways. (여기 관련해서 한 줄은 더 적어주시는 게 좋습니다. 왜 대체제가 없는지 등으로 채워주시면 돼요.)
Second, since it is cold in winter, we
usually put on outer clothing such as down jackets and coats which are made by
a variety of birds’ fur like ducks and gooses. To be specific, I saw an article
a few years ago that millions of ducks and gooses are killed by human for
making winter clothes every year. For these reasons, a lot of animals are
sacrificed in order to make production that we use. Since this is selfish behaviour
only for people, it should be solved. (여기를 대신해서 와야 할 내용에 대해서는 총평에서 말씀드리겠습니다.)
In conclusion, there is a way to solve the
problem of the damage to the natural environment sacrifice of animals. In fact, that is quite simple but difficult.
That is to find other ways to make products. Since it is impossible to not use
products we use and wear, we have to find or make alternatives to protect the
natural environment.
이 유형을 처음 풀어봐서 시간이 너무 오래 걸리고 이렇게 하는게 맞나 싶네요 ㅜㅜ 이렇게 해도 5점 괜찮을까요?
총평: (4/5/6/6) 5.5
놀랍게도, 논제의 절반 가량이 반영되지 않았음에도 불구하고 5.0은 가능합니다. 그만큼 5.0은 진짜 낮은 점수이기 때문에 과하게 걱정하실 필요가 없어요.
태스크2에서는 이처럼 문제의 원인과 해결책을 요하는 유형이 출제되는데, 이때 본론1에 유형을, 본론2에 해결책을 적어주시면 됩니다. 그리고 이때 주의해야할 점으로, 원인과 해결책의 대응이 있어야 합니다. 예를 들면, 과체중의 원인과 문제점을 대라고 요구했을 때, 원인으로 인스턴트에 편중된 식습관, 해결책으로 운동을 들 경우 둘은 전혀 대응이 안 되죠. 따라서 이때 원인을 운동 부족으로 맞추거나 해서 확실한 대응을 시켜주셔야 합니다.
+이번 글의 본론2도 해결책으로 채워주시면 돼요.
수고하셨습니다 :)