There is a Korean saying, “Health is the power of the country" >> 인용구 속담 등은 아카데믹 라이팅에서 쓰지 않습니다. However, in some countries, the level of health of the general public is a serious problem. Especially, >> 콤마 주의해주세요 an increase of the weight is influential because it affects the major indicator >> 어떤 뜻이죠? of a body, such as the blood pressure or the heart diseases>> 병명 등엔 the를 붙이지 않습니다.
There are several reasons on that problem. Firstly, in my opinion, today’s sedentary lifestyle is the most important factor. Technological developments makes a lot of efficient equipments. For example, the computers and the smart phones change our lives more neat neater than in the past. However, it makes people lazy>> 콤마 빼셔도 됩니다 and leads them to sit just in front of a table.
Secondly, the diminish diminution of exercises is crucial, especially for children. It is because most of them go home after school to play the video and computer games. It is not hard and even exciting as likely as outdoor activities, and even exciting. For adults, there is clearly a >> a clear trend that the already fit continue to exercise regularly >> 무슨 말인가요?, while the other could not do that.
The final reason is the eating habit. In these days, everyone is busy. Therefore, so they often have a hamburger at lunch or dinner time, >> 콤마 빼주세요 rather than the more balanced foods. Breaking the balance of nutriments might have bad effects on body.
To solve these problems, I argue that the exercising habit is essential. Parent’s education and guide are very important in the sense that the young people always resembles their parents. Government’s support to health have some positive outcomes. For instance, if there are sports centres which is easy to reach sports centre, some people could make exercise work regularly out a regular of a part of their lives.
Further, the improvement of eating habits also have a great measure. Fast foods and drinks have enormous negative effects on human’s body. Thus, as anyone knows, but >> 문장 조금 고쳐드렸습니다 it seems like an addict. Therefore, like >> such as 가 더욱 좋습니다 overcoming an addict, people need others’ helps to break out their bad eating customs. Moreover, the campaign from the government, which encourages people’s effort or tax, increases on that foods might have positive effects.
In conclusion, the great efforts are needed to contribute to increase the average health level of the people by not only individual themselves but also the health authority.
문법적인 실수들이 조금 보이네요 조금 더 다양하게 써주시길 바랍니다