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As the society progresses, people are putting much significance on food and health. Presently, much discourse has been deliberated on whether the food has been evolved in a good way. Meanwhile, some people believe that the growth of technology and science has brought great merits to the food, but others think otherwise. It cannot be denied that the two sides have reasonable advantages.
For those who believe that food has been improved, they have logical bases for their contention. First and foremost, as the community grows, more and more people are putting much weighs up their health. Their needs to be both healthy and not fatty has been diversified. Hence, their major concern is how to be healthy so that they try to find the ingredients, which are good for their body. Second, but the most significant contention is that people from different walks of life is now seeks the well-being lifestyle. The populaces who work out in their daily activities have been gradually growing. >> therefore는 문장을 이어주는 역할을 하지 않습니다 Therefore, the >> 어떤 산업인 줄 언급이 없어서 the 를 뺐습니다 industries and the government are now stimulating people to exercise regularly and eat well-being food. It is now popular that having to have green food at home among the citizens.
Ideally, people would have taken similar positions on the issue, but it is not so. Quite naturally, there are some people who strongly oppose opponents, claiming that in the reality. Food is rather putting back steps in regard to advances in technology and science. Ultimately, along the many great changes in the century, people are getting becoming >> get 동사는 좋지 않습니다 busier so they even have no time to check out their meals, especially breakfast. Populaces are taking their breakfast at a fast-food restaurant, starting their morning with hamburgers and cola. It is not uneasy >> 이중부정은 쓰지 않습니다 to conclude that their health is getting much troubles. Secondly, the populaces' busy schedules make them to take out>> 팁을 드리자면 영국에선 take away 라고 씁니다 foods for their dinner. Hence, they find themselves in the midst of troubles. However, the circumstances which the busy lifestyles takes along with the deterioration of their health.>> 마지막 문장에 동사가 없네요 take along은 그래머로 볼 대 which 절에 걸리는 동사입니다
Undoubtedly, both expositions >> 적절치 않다 판단되네요 have sensible reasons. Nonetheless, personally, I am more convinced of the sensibility of the first contention that the advances in human civilization has brought many great changes in their food and, more ultimately, in their lifestyle. The increased concerns of health are putting them to eat proper food with healthy ingredients as well as exercising daily to exercise every day.
문장 흐름은 괜찮지만 동사가 없거나 하는 문법 오류로 가다가 약간 혼란스러워서 다시 읽은 경우가 있었습니다 이럴 경우엔 논리에 오류가 생길 수 있습니다 잘 봐주세요
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5 예상합니다 |