▶ Your Answer :
The graphs illustrate the percentages of diverse energy sources in the certain period. Moreover, how much the number quantity of electricity generated by nuclear power plants from 1960 to 2000. First of all, the percentage of crude oil reaches over 30%, which is the largest in all energy resources. Coal accounts for the second position at about 23%, followed by natural gas and biomass at approximately 22% and 13% respectively. In the case of hydropower and nuclear energy, they are recorded the same figure at more or less 7%, which are nearly a fifth as little as that of crude oil. Turning to the next graph, the quantity of generating electricity generating in nuclear resource, by and large >> 주로 구어에 쓰입니다 , increased between 1960 and 2000. Specifically, from 1960 to 1975, the remained figure remained fairly constants at 100GW(기가와트),>> 콤마 빼주세요 but it rose rapidly to over 300GW in 2000. To sum up, major sources for producing energy in the world are crude oil, coal, and natural gas,which account over 60% in all energy sources. For nuclear energy, it accounts for just 6% in all sources, while an electrical capacity of nuclear-power plants increased continuously from 1960 to 2000.
전체적인 글의 흐름은 괜찮았다고 생각됩니다 단어를 좀 더 고급 어휘를 많이 사용했으면 좋았을 것이라고 생각이 듭니다 동사들은 과거로 작성되는게 맞습니다 주의해주세요 직접적인 비교를 많이 섞어주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 6.0 예상합니다 |