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> 2014-03-05 13:20:28, '' 님이 쓰신 글입니다. ↓
■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. | |
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▶ Your Answer : Many standpoints exist regarding children's education. Some people argue that a competitive environment can help young people perform better,>> while 앞 콤마 넣어주세요 while others suggest that learning in a co-operative community can be more beneficial. Both sides will be discussed in a detailed manner in this essay.
Many people suggest that a competitive environment can bring out more effective learning. Competition can stimulate a sense of achievement and children may feel more encouraged to concentrate on their study. For example, if a student is praised by their teacher or parents for achieving a high score, it may help them better engaged>> 혹은 motivated도 되겠네요 in learning. Therefore, competitive learning may serve a role of a catalyst for effective learning.
On the other hand, others say that competitions could be harmful to some students' well-being,>> 콤마 빼주세요 as students, who do not perform as well as high-achieving students, may feel intimidated or discouraged. Thus, some people argue that students should learn to be co-operative and become used to participating in teamwork>> be used to ing 를 이용해서 ~에 익숙하다의 뜻으로 바꿨습니다 . The more friendly nature >> characteristic 정도가 좋겠네요 of co-operative study is that it can contribute to students' well-being as well as providing situations that are more closely related to real work environment, where individuals work together and often perform as a team. >> 문장이 너무너무 깁니다 한 줄에서 한 줄 3분의 1이 좋습니다
Nevertheless, despite the advantages co-operative environment can bring>> despite 다음은 명사입니다, I believe the competitive environment is more suitable to young students. Competitive learning can encourage all students to work harder and enable them to experience a sense of achievement >> 이미 썼으니 accomplishment 를 써주세요 after hard work. It may be more useful to introduce co-operative learning in higher education such as university lectures in order to maximise the benefits that can be achieved from it. >> 역시 수식 등이 많아서 복잡하게 길어지네요
To conclude, I believe the competitive environment will be more appropriate to effective learning for children. However, learning to work cooperatively is also a essential skill to individuals and it is hoped that higher education can provide such lessons.
일단 문장이 너무 길게 수식에 수식을 더하는 것들을 줄여주세요 수식에 수식을 더하면 원어민도 보고 한숨을 내쉽니다 다른 부분들은 문법 지적해드린 부분들 참고해주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다 | |
자꾸 competitive , co-operative 같은 단어를 반복해서 조금 마음에 걸리네요.
읽어주셔서 감사합니다. ^^