No one would argue deny that improving public health is important on mankind, making the society healthy and well-being. Some people consider that by building the sports facilities is the best way to acquire develop the health of people. In this essay, I do not agree personally disagree with this method constructing more amenities and I will demonstrate my opinion with some reasons and appropriate examples.
To begin with, most of people have a lot of places where they can exercise at the short distance from their home. If they wanted to work out outside or inside, they can do anywhere without sports facilities>> 과거는 현재 사실에 반대입니다 현재 사실에 반대는 아니므로 현재형 써드렸습니다. For example, the opportunities of people can always play sports always opened in a park>> opportunities 가 play 하는건 아니죠 people have opportunities to play ~~ 식으로 해주세요, on the street, and even at home. Actually, when you were walking or driving on the road in the morning, you could often notice a few people running on your way. In addition, recently the figures for people who do Yoga, simple stretching, and weight exercise at home for remaining their health is increasing. >> 밑줄 친 부분은 없애주는게 좋겠습니다 for example 부분에서 opportunities 에 대한 상세적인 내용이 없습니다 예시 부분은 정확히 작성해주는게 좋습니다 기회면 어떤 기회인지 등에 대해 확실히 말해주셔야 합니다 It means that the number of facilities does not is not a matter to a person who determines to do work out .
Furthermore On the other hand, there are several things to develop the health quality of human in the society not only are the facilities be the only way to improve physical fitness. It is clear that the sports center affects our healthy life, but there are more important things other things can help people to be healthy. For instance, the government people government officials ought to manage that the welfare, hospital, clinic, and checking >> ing 형태가 어디에 걸리나요? medical examination 이라고 같이 명사 쓰는게 맞습니다 health once a year, etc >> and so on. >> 밑줄 부분 문장이 어떻게 되나요? 복지 병원 진료를 관리해야만 한다? By making easy to access to the hospital and clinic, the society would be healthy>> 예시인데 너무 모호하게 작성됐습니다 would be healthy 어떻게 건강해지나요? 그저 가기 쉽게 만든다고 해서 건강한 사회가 될까요? 어떤 면에서 healthy 해지나요? 등에 대한 물음이 나올 수 있습니다 . Moreover, as most of people become order, the welfare has turned the certain ways to manage the old health for several decades years time. >> moreover 는 주장을 나타내는 부사입니다 주장이 하나가 더 나온 꼴이 됩니다
In conclusion, there are both positive and negative opinions of increasing the number of public sports facilities. However, in my opinion, the sports facilities have a little influence to improve on improving public health conditions and the government has to invest on the other things.