▶ Your Answer :
It is widely accepted that many people keep dogs and cats as companions. Some people say that keeping animals has several disadvantages while others say that it has several advantages. Therefore, I will talk about the pros and cons (pros and cons는 스피킹에서는 가능하지만 아카데믹 라이팅에선 부적절한 표현입니다) of this topic in details.
It is obvious that keeping animals has good effects on to human life. First, breeding animals means that you need to have strong responsibility. For example, you get up and then give your cute kitten cat food. And aAlso, (접속사로 and를 사용하지 않습니다) you need to change kitten's sand. If you kept keep dogs, You you (대/소문자 주의) would need to clean up after dogs. When your animals are sick, you also need to take care of about them. By breeding animals, it raises our sense of responsibility automatically. Secondly, there are a lot of old people who keep animals as friends. (<- full stop x) because Because dogs and cats have emotions and they obey orders well. Therefore, many old people feel less lonely than they live alone.
On the other hand, keeping animals as companions has several disadvantages. Most importantly, keeping animals costs a lot of money. Because we need to buy basic items, (comma) such as feed, clothes, restroom for cats and so on (and so on은 잘 사용하지 않도록 합니다) . Among these, the most expensive one is regular check-ups and surgery fee. If you are a student, you may borrow your parent's money. In addition, living with animals can disturb your neighbors. Because dogs can bark with loud sound. And Moreover, some people are scared at cats. Thus, if you breed cats, some neighbors don't do not (다 풀어서 사용) like to be close to you.
In summary, some people say that raising a pet is good to have responsibility and feel not alone. However, others think that it is expensive and also can disturb your neighbors. I think it depends on where you live and how much you can pay for your animal. If you live in a private house and you are rich enough to breed animals, it will be good to you.
SCORE: 5.5
Comment: Academic essay에 대한 이해가 더 필요하겠습니다 e.g. 접속사의 사용, 단어 선택. 또한, 내용이나 단어 선택이 너무 단조롭기 때문에 더 높은 점수를 기대하긴 힘들겠습니다. |