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Today, By many technologies has greatly developed, we are able to live a better life than the past due to the development of many technologies. One of the outcomes of technologies’ the development is that the robots that are playing a really important roles in a variety of circumstances in many ways. There are some people who think that these robots can do many things instead of people in the future. However, there are also others that believe using robots widely results in a huge damage to us. In this essay, I will explain why use of robots in wide range of situations is not a good idea. <(전 에세이들과 와 똑같이 ~을 설명 하겠습니다 가 아니라 제 의견은 ~입니다~ 라고 가주셔야합니다) Many A lot of factories now utilize many various robots to make products more accurately, fast and effectively now. However, it makes the number of occupations for people to be that many people are employed be reduced by using robots instead of people. Thus, unemployment rate is dramatically increasing increasingly <contracting> decreased and those who are unemployed or fired because of using robots in factories are having a difficult time to find a job earning money to live a normal life. <여기서 다른 문단으로 나누시면 될것 같습니다. 앞 내용과 뒤 내용은 다른 주제입니다>When it comes to safety, if the robots which is utilized in industrial places or scientific places systemically or mechanically breaks down, it would be likely to cause make serious accident such as hurting or killing humans. In addition, if the robots which are copied human intellect (??) are invented, real human beings would become meaningless and be unuseful, and robots would behave so immorally and inhumanly. In conclusion, although there are many advantages of using robots widely, especially in industrial or scientific fields, there are more serious problems that are illustrated above upward. Therefore, we should keep them(what is them?) in mind and reconsider about this so carefully.
Score: 4 Comment: 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 다른 에세이과 composition/coherence에 대한 동일한 문제점이 있습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |