▶ Your Answer :
There is a heated debate about whether
punishment on children is essential when it comes to teaching them the
differences of right and wrong behaviors or not. Some people believe punishing
children is the most effective way to educate them. To some extent, I agree
that punishment is one of the best ways to discipline young people. However,
whether it is the most useful method to teach about right and wrong is
questionable.
It is true that punishment on children is a widely used educational method at home and school. When people are at an early
stage of life, they have no sense of morality, and often behave on a way how they
like regardless what other people think about them. That is how young people
often bring about troubles and make other people feel uncomfortable in public
places. Children just do not have an ability to distinguish what proper
behaviors they should take in particular situations.<내용 연결이 잘 안되고 있습니다.> Physical and verbal punishments are one of
the effective discipline parents and teachers can choose to control children
immediately. Effectiveness of these types of punishment is instant as well.
In contrast, punishing young people does
not always create positive outcomes, especially when physical punishments such
as slapping and spanking are executed. Harsh punishment may cause backfires
from children that they will end up keeping distance from their parents or
teachers. In addition, it is not a good example of using violence to settle
problems because children will imitate their parents’ behavior. They are likely
to turn into individuals who use violent acts to resolve issues with others.
To sum up, punishing young people is not the
best, but is the last way to educate them because it has some drawbacks and side
effects on children. I believe the best way is that adults set a good example
of themselves, so children can learn from how their parents behave.
Score: 6 Comment: 글쓰시는데에는 크게 문제가 없어 보이십니다. conclusion과 introduction내용이 조금 contradicting 합니다. 또한 모든 질문을 다 답해주지 않았습니다. 두 번째 질문인 어떤 punishment가를 해야하는지에 대해 서술을 해주시지 않았습니다. 그리고 두 번재 문단에서는 focus가 punishment에 대해서 보다는 어린 아이의 말썽으로 더 가있습니다. 또한 punishment가 좋다기 보다는 조금 더 왜 punishment가 필요하다고 생각을 하시는지에 대해 서술을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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