▶ Your Answer :
Recently, there are increasing trends where
married couples decided not to have children. There are advantages and
disadvantages for these trends and this essay will discuss both.
Individuals can enjoy private times from
not having children. Since adults do not have to spend the time on to play with
children, the more free times can be used for relaxation or studying. Furthermore,
because individuals do not require spending their incomes on children's
education, all those earnings can be used for their own purposes. The More
individuals would spend for their own entertainment since they do not have to
worry about future savings. Or they could concentrate on their future careers
by using of their earnings. As a result, people will value their lives. As more
individuals value their lives, they would focus on work more effectively and
those will aid the economy to grow.
In contrast, having no children means less
population for the nation. Especially in Developed countries especially will suffer from the
low population. The lesser population means the government and younger
generation are required to support the elders. Therefore, developed nations provide
all the necessary support facilities to encourage the citizens to have having children
by citizens' taxes.<(little unclear) In Australia the younger generation supports at least five 5
elders per individual their income while the government provides all the necessary
allowances to encourage the population to having a child. <need better coherence> Even though adults can
enjoy their free times for not having any children, they might feel lonely.
After the retirement, or after their spouse dies, the elders may feel loneliness
if they do not have any children.
In conclusion, without children could mean
more free time for adults to focus on individual development whereas fewer
population for a nation requires more support for the elders.
Score: 6.5 Comment: Clarity가 조금 떨어지는 부분이 있습니다. 또한 전체적인 coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시고 글정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 내용상 질문에 대한 답은 좋다고 생각합니다. 문법상 동사 사용에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |