▶ Your Answer : It is evident that the world is becoming increasingly individualised, which in turn, the number of single family is on the constant rise especially for young professionals. In this essay, some of the major pros and cons will be analysed with my stance and some applicable supports. <(글쓴이의 주장은 introduction에서 부터 clear해야합니다) To begin with, proponents of single life would believe that there are a number of benefits as follows.; Firstly, people who live alone are able to achieve freedom and independence. They can decide anything by their own preferences. For example, no one can interfere when they choose what to eat kind of foods, set up life cycles and spend money for new products. In addition, more money can be invested in their self-improvement, as they do not need to take care of family members. They can study for some particular activities or skills that they are interested in. On the other hand, there are some pitfalls which should not be ignored. Most of all, a single person develops critical diseases due to the irregular eating pattern. <(how do you know if this is true for all?) In most cases, they prefer to choose fast food or even skip a meal it, which are hazardous habits for their health. Moreover, some of them feel lonely, isolated and depressed. These are result of lack of conversation and staying at home alone which would <(would what?) to a deteriorating situation. Finally, there is a growth of number of crimes targeting single people, especially for women. Since they are weak and there are no people who can help or save them, they are exposed and in crisis. In conclusion, my belief is that people should pay attention to the dangerous consequences of single life. <(doesn't really answer the question)
Score: 6 Comment: 주제를 잘 discuss해주셨지만 질문을 답해주지는 않았습니다. Do YOU think 질문이기 때문에 글쓴이의 주장은 introduction에서 부터 clear 해야하면 이것을 바탕으로 에세이를 서술해주셔야합니다. 그 외엔는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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