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The table shows the proportion of 5 different types of sports participated in by two different British boys in age groups of 6-11 and 12-16 in 2010. Overall, football was the dominant sports in all ages, while there was an exact proportion of participation for swimming. 정비례라는 표현은 자료 내용에 맞지 않습니다. 그냥 축구가 가장 인기가 많았고 수영이 제일 참여율이 낮았다고 개괄을 설명해주면 충분할 것 같아요 The rest of sports showed that, there were more participation rates for younger groups than those that of older group. In detail, majority of boys participated in for football which number recorded at 87% for 6-11 aged groups and 78% for 12-16 aged groups. Meanwhile, swimming had the exact same participation rate of 19% in for both age groups and rugby had a slightly higher for younger groups’ participation rate rates in the younger group by 2% than that of 21% for boys over 12 years old. In contrast, Also, basketball and cricket had higher participation rates for younger aged groups. A participation rate for basketball was 35% for British young boys of ages from 6 to 11, whereas about a quarter of boys aged from 12 to 16 participated in for basketball. Concurrently, cricket recorded at 45% participation rate for young boys, while 34% of boys over 12 ages, participated for cricket.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 6 competent user
전체적인 경향을 훑고 자세하게 내용 설명으로 연결하신 것 좋습니다. 같은 표현을 자꾸 반복하기보다는 다양한 어휘를 활용해주고, 서술이 너무 반복적으로 느껴지지 않게 적절히 조절해주세요. 흐름에 맞지 않는 단어 사용도 지양해주세요. 수고하셨습니다! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |