▶ Your Answer :
It
is common to see that most people have at least one credit card. Many people
believe that individuals would have financial difficulties because they cannot
pay back with their financial debts. These debts could be used as daily
transactions for survival. This phenomenon would lead to economic difficulties
in the future such as mortgages, investment and student loans. <(질문에 대한 답이 없어 보입니다)
The
usage of credit cards are be various. It can be used as for the daily transactions.
The groceries or foods could be seen as the examples. Also, the credit cards
could pay for any emergency and hazardous situations. In the case of accidents
individuals could pay for the costs relating to the accidents with their credit
cards.
Sometimes,
individuals' payments with debts becomes out of control. The reasons for these
phenomenons, could be people's spending habits and the high interest payments.
People might be addicted to the shopping and as a result, some people might be
listed as a bad creditor.
There
are different types of loans as an example - mortgages, entrepreneurship
investment and student loans. These types of loans could be used by limited
people who can afford them can be afforded.
In
conclusion, the huge dependency of the financial debts could lead to the
financial difficulties. As a result, some individuals could be listed as a bad
creditor. Therefore in order to prevent this, there are several steps to take
by individuals and governments. People could understand with their daily
spending patterns could be taken as one of the solution.<(run-on sentence/unclear) Individuals could try
to use a budget to control their daily transactions. Lastly, the government should would put a the financial limit on credit cards to control people's spending
habits. This could resolve the country's financial difficulties.
Score: 4.5 Comment: 질문을 답해주고 있지 않고 내용이 조금 off topic하게 들립니다. 글쓴이는 신용카드나 대출을 어떻게 사람들이 사용을 하는지 또는 어려움이 무엇인지 서술을 해주셨습니다. 그 보다는 개인이 갚기에는 어려울 정도로 돈을 대출을 받거나 신용카드는 사용을 하기 때문에 돈을 빌릴 수 있는 법을 더 어렵게 만드는 것에 대한 글쓴이의 의견을 써주셨어야합니다. 즉, 질문을 답해주기 보다는 주제의 첫번째 문장에 대해 설명/서술을 해주신 것 같습니다. 또한 Conclusion이 너무 길고 새로운 내용을 써주셨습니다. Conclusion은 이미 서술 해주신 내용을 가지고 concluding을 해주시는 것이기 때문에 새로운 내용을 써주시면 좋지 않습니다. 그리고 하나의 문단은 2~3 문장보다는 4~6 문장으로 써주시는게 더 좋습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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