▶ Your Answer :
It is general
to become a late parent among young couples nowadays. There are some clear reasons
of this social trend, and I believe its benefits and detrimental factors are of equal measure.
There are several reasons why married couples the young
parents do not have their children when they are younger in today’s society.
Firstly, they want to gather enough money before starting a family with their children. For instance, the young couples nowadays need to stay financially healthy prior to having children since it is difficult to support their kids properly without a satisfactory budget condition. Secondly, the growth
of education level of females is another main cause that people young parents have the offspring
at a later stage in their life. That is to say, the females these days are more
prone to pursue their career path rather than to assume responsibility of childcare because by
gaining the career, they may want to accomplish specific goals. <(parents는 아이가 있는 부모라는 뜻이기 때문에 young parents가 아이를 나중에 갖는다는 점이 조금 어색하게 들립니다)
With regards to these social trends, there is
a benefit and drawback coincidentally. On the one hand, in a financial point of
view, a healthy financial state is a vital factors in order to maintain a family properly.
Without suitable monetary allowance, the families could cannot afford what they need
for nurturing their children and in turn, it is possible to cause
domestic discord. In this context, having a child at a later
stage is totally acceptable.<(내용이 부정적이기 때문에 크게 장점 처럼 들리지는 않습니다. 돈이 없는데 아이를 키우면 일어나는 단점 보다는 돈을 모으고 아이를 키우게 되면 있는 장점을 전달 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다) On the other hand, from a biological reason, reproductive ability of women can be
a possible problem in relation to late parenthood. In other words,
the fertility of older women is getting worse and therefore, according to a medical experiment, a baby from older mothers are more likely to be deformed than
those who are born by younger mother. With regards to this biological issue, late
pregnancy seems to be improper and dangerous for both parents and children.
In conclusion, there are various reasons
why the younger couples/people parents nowadays prefer to have their baby later. In my opinion, there is might be a positive and negative factor at the same
time in terms of late parenthood.
Score: 7 Comment: 질문을 잘 답해주셨습니다. 다만 세 번째 문단의 경우 전달해주신 장점을 조금 더 긍적적인 면으로 전달 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 표현/article use/plurality/에 조금 더 신경을 써주시고 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다! |