▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that they should stay in the same company all their work life, while others think that it is better to change work places if possible. Although both the claims have some convincing reasons to support them, I would agree that people need to alter their work places. Some people work for the same company all their work life. There are several reasons why. First, they don’t<(formal essay 에서는 contraction을 안쓰시는게 좋습니다) need to adapt to different environments by staying in the same company. To be specific, they can be much familiar with the specific environment and have a good relationship with their colleagues. Second, they can have more opportunities to get promoted in the same company. For example, they can reflect their respects and royalty for the company by working for a long time. Because most companies like employees who have high loyalty, they are more likely to be promoted in work places.
However, I believe that it is helpful to work at different places. There are several reasons why I think so. First, we are more likely to meet many new people from diverse backgrounds. To be specific, and we can broaden our perspectives by working with them colleagues from different cultures or countries. For example, while I worked with English coworkers three (숫자 1~9는 글로 써주셔야합니다)> 3 years ago, I could learn how to interact with them without any misunderstandings. Also, it is possible to master different skills required for different organisations. Because different companies urge their own employees to use different expertise, the employees can develop various skills by moving to other areas. In other words, they could finally find out the point in which they can have better performance than others. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against changing jobs in lifetime, but I am convinced that we should experience various organisations and environments to develop our own talents.
Score: 7 Comment: 두 관점을 잘 서술 해주시고 글쓴이의 의견을 잘 전달 해주셨습니다. 문법상 글쓰시는데에 크게 문제가 없어 보이십니다. 다만 조금 더 다양한 표현과 문장구조를 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다.수고 하셨습니다!
|