Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services?
Nowadays, majority of people argued that
essential services such as education and healthcare should be free and
supported by the government. However, others say that it should be paid by
individuals. I believe that both opinions have negative and positive effects on
citizens but the government’s assistance would be more necessary.
It is true that the quality of services
can be improved highly from individuals paying for education and healthcare by individual. In
general, high income parents send their children to private school to obtain
better educational service, because these schools provide opportunities such as studying abroad, tutoring and second language
class. In comparison with public school, students in private school are more
likely to have better educational opportunities, which it will be led to their future
career. Aside from that, in hospitals, patients get great service and are
focused by doctors and nurses. In contrast, paying every service would place a burden
on individuals. They have to save money for an emergency situation and this does
not even apply to low income family or unemployed person.
On the other hand, free welfare services have numerous advantages. Firstly, everyone in all social class can obtain same benefits. For example, in Korea, everyone can have complementary education support until high school. In addition, people feel free to visit clinics and get a medical check-up regularly to maintain their health with the low costs of healthcare system supported by the government. Moreover, every citizen does have rights to get equal treatment and should not be stressed about their medical care or education. In order to fund these services, government should collect tax based on family income. In this regard, the government can implement fair laws for everyone.
In conclusion, free education and healthcare services would have more benefits on the public as everyone should be enjoyed those service equally.
총평: (6/5/7/6) 6.0
문법/어휘에서는 크게 문제가 없었지만, 지금 글 내내 흐름 통일이 전혀 되어있지 않기 때문에 수정이 필요합니다. 현재 글에서 출제자가 VANJJ님께 요구하는 것은 두 입장의 장단점을 비교하는 것이 아니라, 둘 중 내가 동의하는 쪽에 대해서 서술하기를 원하는 것입니다.
그러나 현재 서론에서 취한 입장, 본론 내의 흐름, 결론에서 취한 입장이 일치하지 않는 상태입니다. 자세한 건 링크를 하나 넣어드릴테니까 그걸 정독해주시고, 현재 글의 경우 최종 입장을 '정부가 무료로 제공해야 한다' 로 잡아주셔서 이걸 서/결론에 명시해주시고, 본론 두 문단도 모두 그 내용으로만 채워주시면 돼요. 수고하셨습니다 :)
https://www.gohackers.com/?c=ielts/ielts_info2/ielts_method&type=url&uid=471212undefined
+위에 제가 언급해드린 내용을 따르지 않고 어느정도 중립의 입장을 취하는 것도 '잘만 쓰면' 상관 없습니다. 그러나, 그렇게 하는 게 매우 어려우며, 내가 잘 썼다고 생각하지만 채점관에게 의미 전달이 안 되면 바로 퇴짜이며, 그냥 하나만 골라서 쓰는 게 훨씬 안정적이라 위와 같이 말씀드립니다!