-Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause severe social problems as well as practical problems.-
When it comes to settling in another country where people should speak another language, there is a growing debate over whether language matters/problems 등 would able to lead to (able to 는 긍정/중립 문맥에서만 쓰입니다.) some issues in society and individuals. Although not being familiar with a foreign language may not always create some problems, I argue that is still the most important way to coexist with natives.
A case could be put forward that if people who live abroad can not speak the language of the foreign country, it is able to cause some social problems. (여기까지가 뒤이어지는 내용의 전개 단계인데, 여기서 꽤나 많은 분량을 낭비했습니다. 안그래도 본론이 약간 짧은 편이라, 밑의 본론2처럼 이어지는 내용 쪽에 더 집중해주세요!) One of the problems is language barrier. It could separate people who are not native speakers from the community. This is because groups that share the same language may avoid other language groups. In addition, it would result in racial discrimination, because of difference appearance and language.
As far as realistic issues, non-native speakers would be recognized as impolite people by speaking wrong words. For example, Australian usually call lollipop as candy, if ones ask native speakers "Do you like candy?". It could go over as sexual joke with native speakers. Furthermore, non-native speakers would feel all alone. When making a relationship, communication would be most important way. There is no doubt that to create deep relationship needs to interchange mutual thoughts and opinions. (이쪽은 practical 쪽에 넣기 조금 애매합니다. 아예 안 된다고 보기도 어렵지만, 애초에 논란이 있다는 점에서 추천드리지 않아요. 확실하게 가기 위해, 그냥 마트에서 물건 구입 등의 문제로 수정해주시는 게 좋습니다.)
For the reasons mentioned above, I totally agree with the opinion that incapability of speaking a second language generates some problems because I believe that ability of talking in a foreign language is closely related to the quality of life.
*선생님이 수정해주신부분다시 참고해서 글을 조금씩 수정했습니다:)
설연휴 잘보내세요~!
총평: 단순히 문제 자체만 다루는 게 아니라, 사회적/일상적 혹은 실용적 문제로 나눠서 작성할 수 있어야 합니다. 이때 본론 첫 번째 문단은 사회적인 문제를 담고 있기 때문에 깔끔하게 떨어지지만, 이에 비해 본론 두 번째 문단의 경우 논란의 소지가 조금 있는 편이죠. 따라서 표시해드린 부분은 가급적이면 수정해주시는 게 좋고, 이와 별개로 각 본론은 한 줄 정도씩만 더 보충해주시면 금상첨화일 겁니다. 문법 어휘는 크게 문제가 없으니까, 윗 내용 조절만 살짝 해주시면 task 2에서는 발목 잡힐 일이 없을 겁니다.
+닉네임은 하나로 유지해주시면 제가 더 연속적인 피드백을 드릴 수 있습니다 :)