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It has suggested that in some countries, students should do a part-time job or go sightseeing for a year, before attending universities or colleges for studies. These arguments have pros and cons for several reasons.
To begin with, having a variety of experiences is indispensable to young people who attend tertiary school. Between School and work are totally distinct from viewpoints of experiences that people are able to absorb practical knowledge about studies, >> 긴 문장이 나와 콤마로 나눠주는게 좋기도 하며 which가 앞에 있는 다수의 내용을 포함해 콤마로 수식을 받게 해줬습니다 which support important roles for the future. Here is a hypothetical example, travelling experiences bring about a wide vision that students may develop the ability to comprehend widely between culture and language. Moreover, Although working at convenience store may be conducive for students to socialize with customers>> although 완전한절 콤마 완전한 절 주절이 나와 비록 ~할지라도 주절이다 라는 문법적인 틀이 완성됩니다 . As a result, as for students, everything may be supportive for studies.
On the other hand, there are against these >> 먼저 에세이에선 지우라고 말씀드렸는데 써도 되고 안 써도 되지만 굳이 넣거나 하지 않아도 됩니다 the도 좋겠네요 arguments that young students may be exposed to get into >> get 동사는 뜻이 많아 어휘력을 낮게 보일 수 있게 하기에 좋지 않습니다 face를 써주시구요 뒤에 dangerous는 형용사 입니다 many dangers 라고 해주세요 dangerous such as smoke, alcohol and etc so on. The social lives are complicated for them to adjust to spend in-depth>> 더 좋아보이게 넣어드렸습니다 quality times for studies>> for study라고 한다면 연구 결과에 대해 좋다는 것이니 for studying이라고 하는 것이 좋습니다. Besides, going on a trip for studying may be hazardous for young students in order to adventure a new thing as to accepting cultural differences. Also>> so also but and or 는 문두에 사용하지 않습니다 Furthermore 를 써주세요, having a part-time job may interfere with students for studying, >> 콤마 해주세요 because they may be surrounded by unexpected accidents such as robbery, crime and so on.
In conclusion, these effects depend on situation which is detrimental or not. I personally think that a number of pupils should focus on studying for down the road. This is because they can have such experiences in many times
본론에 부쩍 오류가 많이 발견됐네요 studying 에 대한 지적이 많이 보인다는 것은 그만큼 그 단어를 하나로만 많이 썼다는 반증이 되기도 합니다 다양하게 써주세요 위에 빨간 표시들이 다른 분들도 많이 틀리는 부분들이니 유심히 봐주시기 바랍니다 그래도 첨삭해드리면서 하나씩 발전해나가는 모습들이 보이네요 전엔 이 부분에서 실수가 나왔는데 하면 나왔지만 지금은 매끄럽게 넘어가는 부분이 꽤 많아졌습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
6.0 예상합니다 |