▶ Your Answer :The pie graph above illustrates the major reason why farming territory is productively being lessened productively.The chart below the pie gragh indicates how three continents are affected by those reasons in the pie in 1990s.
Over-grazing>> 대쉬 빼주세요 is the one of the biggest reasons, which makes the land in the world degradated in the world. Its proportion occupied 35 percent>> 너무 짧습니다. Deforestation has similar proportion with over-grazing. It is different just 5 percent>> 역시 짧습니다. To cut out Cutting a number of trees arouses land degration. The third one is over-cultivation.In order to harvest more crops and to reap even more it makes land degradation>> land degradation은 너무 많은 수확으로 인해 초래되었다 식으로 쓰는게 좋겠습니다 지금 쓰신 문장으론 이해가 되지 않습니다. The last thing, which is various and complex help, led degradate.
The land that received the hugest damage is in Europe. Overall percent is 20 percent. Among them, especially deforestation is the largest part, which is 9.8 percent. Moreover, >> 길고 어색해서 끊어드렸습니다 and there are 7.7 and 5.5 percent that are over-cultivation and over-grazing respectively. Oceanian land is the second largest damaged continent. Remarkably, the ratio of over-grazing is 11.3 percent, which it is the most conspicuous within all of the included products. Meanwhile, the percentage of deforestation and over-cultivation is 1.7 percent and 0 percent each other respectively. It shows that Oceania is hardly suffered from deforestation and over-grazing. The last territory, which occupied 5 percent, is North America. 3.3 percent of over-cultivation and 1.5 percent of over-grazing give this land harms and this land has a little damage from deforestation.
In conclusion, Europe has a lot of damages than any other land.>> 문장이 길어져서 끊어드렸습니다 Moreover, also,partly over-grazing give the most damage to Oceania and there are no continents to give received less damage than North America.
모든 동사는 과거로 작성이 되어야 합니다 과거에 대한 얘기기 때문입니다 또한 over-cultivation은 신조어인가요 뜻은 알겠지만 쓰는진 모르겠습니다 overgraze 는 한 단어입니다 그리고 표현을 다양하게 해주세요 너무 같은 단어의 반복 연속입니다 그래머 구조도 너무 한정적입니다 100자를 초과하면 250인데 이건 에세이입니다 분명 시간이 부족할 것으로 보입니다 필요없는 부분은 지우시고 짧은 글은 뒤에 수식으로 넣어주시고 너무 세세하게 보다는 150자의 짧은 글인만큼 눈에 잘 보이는 큼직한 부분들만 설명해주셔도 됩니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |