▶ Your Answer:
There are many developments of technology in our lives. In fact, it is true that children can study at home with the internet. It is thought by some people that classroom education became outdated due to the internet. However, I disagree with such a position. My position is that other reasons make school education old fashioned not the internet.
First of all, books lead classroom education to become outdated. Books are rarely renewed every decade or much more later whereas the internet information is updated every day. Textbooks used today would not be that much different from the materials used ten years ago. Even, I graduated elementary school more than 10 years, current children and i probably use same books or a little bit changed books. Therefore, children cannot could not learn the newest knowledge from their books at school, which is why books make school education outdated. therefore books make classroom education to be outdated.
Second, classroom education is outdated because of older teachers in the school. More specifically, their old teaching style is the cause. Most old teachers stick to their teaching ways where old materials are handed out or where students merely copy down what is written on the board. which is using printed materials or coping their pupils what they wrote on the blackboard. Young teachers, however, try to think up of new ways to teach children by using pictures, models, or videos to help student to easily understand easily their studying. As a result, classroom education is outdated by old teachers.(not too persuasive)
In conclusion, the internet does not make classroom education outdated. I strongly believe books and old teachers are the reasons of outdated school education.
Score: 5.5 Comment: 내용은 fair 한데 문법에 많이 틀리시고 계시고 글자수가 250 미만입니다. 또한 1인칭이나 I, we, us, our 같은 표현을 쓰시는 것을 피해주시면 좋습니다. 글자수가 부족하면 패널티가 적용이 될 수 있습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |