▶ Your Answer :
Our society can
be described as information society nowadays, which means that information
technology affects every part of people’s lives at home, work and even during
leisure time. There are ongoing debates whether information technology is
beneficial to us or not. I tend to think this technology has more advantages
than disadvantages.
The biggest
merit of information technology is the convenience. The technology makes people’s
lives much easier, compared to the ones’ in the past. At home, there are many ‘smart’
appliances helping with people’s household need. For example, with a smart
phone, people can turn on the heat and the light at before home. Those who do not
have time even have a robot vacuum and a dish washer that does which do all work for
them. Also, information technology allows people to enjoy their free time with
online and video games and movies from the internet. Lastly, in the work place, the
technology can ease workers’ workload. In the past, workers in the office had
to communicate in person or by hand-written or typed documents. However, now, workers communicate each other online,. Mostly, their works are have been done by
computer which is much easier and faster than the works by hand.
However, it may
be true that information technology is the invasion of privacy and the one
cutting real communications between people. Some people argue the technology
enables people to snoop and interfere others’ privacy. They also assert that
many people are interested in the online world, rather than having real
conversations with other people. However, I believe these disadvantages can be
buried by greater benefits.
To sum up,
information technology benefits people in many way. People’s lives change
positively, easier and faster. Therefore, we should enjoy and be thankful for
information technology.
Score: 8 Comment: 내용이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 more advantages는 '장점이 그저 더 많은 것'이 되기 때문에 rewording하시는 것을 추천합니다. 질문은 장점이 많고 적고 외에 단점보다 더 great/significant한지 물어 보고 있습니다. 또한 세 번째 문단에서 rebuttal하시는데 똑같은 표현을 쓰셨습니다. 다른 표현을 쓰시는 것을 추천합니다. 문법상 silly mistakes나 simple mistakes가 있으십니다. 하지만 문장을 구상하시는데에는 크게 문제가 없어 보이십니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |