▶ Your Answer : Today, robots are inevitable in various field of modern human life. Their technical evolution and people's reliance on them make some people feel fearsome., They insist that robots will take away jobs from humans, and, as a result, people will have nothing to do in the future. In my opinion, however, humans have unique abilities which robots cannot have, so people can coexist with robots and it will make the human society much better. In this essay, I will show first show the robot opponent's opinion, then prove robots are more beneficial rather than just harm. <(글쓴이의 의견/주장을 묻는 질문이기 때문에 다른 사람의 의견을 너무 많이 쓰시거나 focus를 하시면 좋지 않습니다. 다른 사람의 의견을 쓰셔도 그것에 대한 글쓴이의 의견이 있어야합니다)
At the beginning of industrialization, there was a public movement among the labors which against the machines and people even broke them. The labors believed that machines were too effective to work with humans, so it would substitute humans in every workplaces. This meant for them, they lost their jobs, and they cannot earn money to raise their family. And during these days, all employees thought think same that robots will take away their jobs and make them have nothing to do. Maybe, it could be partly true. Since the robots are used in factory lines, factories do not doesn't<(contraction은 안쓰시는게 좋습니다) need to hire anymore, and many workers in factories will be are fired. And now, the robots are widened their area to other fields, that it threatens humans more and more.
However, this situation cannot explain whole <(whole what?), it just partially right. Though it seems that robots steal human jobs, but it is also true that they are creating various work fields. Since robots are doing 3D jobs which people hate to do, people can afford more time for creative things, and that's the area where humans are better at than robots. People can invest more time to consume or produce creativeness such as musics, arts, research and designs, and robots they are flourishing human life more. In addition, people can have more time for leisure and relaxation, and having this time makes people happier. Interestingly, this situation is same with the situation at the beginning of industrialization - people were afraid of losing jobs, but in reality the machine contributed to make new work areas and people started to serve in that field.
In conclusion, though there are some negative opinions regarding using robots, I think using robots have more benefits. It allows humans to do more creative works and it will help humans to be happier. I also believe that whatever robotic technology is developed, it will eventually be good for humans and there will be many fields where people can do better.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 에세이 내용이 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 내용이 조금 wordy하게 들리고 글정리가 조금 더 필요합니다. 내용을 조금 더 summarize해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 specificity/동사/plurality 에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |
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