▶ Your Answer : As coming the global world <(??), every year an increasing number of tourists travel around the world look around both overseas and domestic tourist attractions, affecting negatively to negative effects to nature because of the exhaust gas of transportation and throwing a garbage in everywhere. Although it seems like to be a difficult matter to solve, when people make and effort to deal with it together, it would be handled adequately.
In terms of traveling, it can be the most significant reasons of the damages to environment with using the vehicles that emit harmful ingredients. This is because when people move to remote areas in overseas or domestic places, they cannot avoid to use take transports such as private cars, buses, trains, ships or airplanes. Out of them, airplanes have aero has been the major factors to make worsen the air condition with emitting chemical pollutants directly than any others. A large number of people, in addition, from all over the world go to the famous places to enjoy their holidays with eating, drinking or swimming in the river or sea, and then throwing and enormous amount of waste in everywhere. It is normal to watch the news that during in every summer vacation, a great amount of how much garbage had been thrown in beautiful beaches.
When people recognize, nevertheless, the importance of preserving our nature, this phenomenon would be tackled. Firstly, imposing a green tax would be an effective method in this matter, especially when it comes to the transport vehicles because as the economic air travelling has been possible, more and more people can enjoy trips very easily without restrictions. If people have to, however, burden a lot of budget, it is more likely to be a motivation to reduce the frequencies of travelling more effectively. Secondly, education and publicizing of necessity of returning their own waste to home <(??) seems like to be an excellent way in this problem <(which problem?). One of the most effective thing is to induce the attendance of tourists with realizing of the value of environment. When people try to preserve our natural surroundings voluntarily without force to make then participate in prevention activities <(??), it would make the a best result in the near future.
In conclusion, although there are environmental problems caused by excessive travelling due to vehicle gases and wastes, policies related to eco-tax would be an important measure.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 전체적으로 정리/summarization이 필요합니다. 또한 조금 더 다양한 표현을 쓰시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 collocation에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |