▶ Your Answer :
In recent
years, it is not difficult to see that computer plays a significant role in
education. Therefore, some people say that teachers are no longer needed in
class while others disagree with the idea. I do not agree that teachers are not
necessary at school and in class for several reasons.
To begin
with, these days we cannot imagine that classrooms without computers. This is
because, as computer technology is developed, teaching methods in class rooms
are replaced by computer involved materials. For instance, teachers do not use
blackboards anymore and use smart boards instead. Also, students are use laptops
for their studying and doing homework. However, it does not mean that there is
no need for teachers in classrooms as they are necessary for
teaching students by controlling them.
Besides, the
fact that education is teaching not only knowledge but also ethical behaviors
should not be overlooked. Teaching children to have proper moral standards is
cannot be done by computers. Children are able to learn it through face-to-face
education with human beings.
(글쓴이의 의견을 묻는 질문에 다른 사람의 의견을 서술해주시면 글쓴이의 의견이 unclear하게 들릴 수 있으며 discussion에세이 처럼 들릴 수 있습니다. 또한 다음 내용은 위 내용을 모두 contradict 합니다.)>On the other
hand, some believe that even if there are is no teachers in class, it will be
possible to teach students by using the computer systems. As a good illustration,
children can study history, math and science with computer materials such as
video clips and power point slides which are a much more effective way to
remember those subjects. In addition, it is not impossible to teach
children to have moral behaviors by those computer materials. Thus, this will
reduce parents' financial burden in the end as the cost of employing teachers
is more expensive than computer facilities.
To conclude,
there is some benefits from replacing teachers to computer systems. However in
my opinion, teachers are needed in class for children to have proper social
behaviors.
Score: 6 Comment: 질문을 sufficiently 서술해주시기 않았습니다. Introduction에 글쓴이의 주장은 정확한데 body 내용은 computer에 대한 점만 주로 서술을 해주셨습니다. 글쓴이의 주장을 support하는 내용은 3 문장 밖에 되지 않습니다. 또한 글쓴이의 반대 의견을 서술해주시지 않아도 됩니다. 오히려 글쓴이의 주장이 헷갈리게 들리거나 에세이의 unity가 깨집니다. 글쓴이의 주장을 reasoning/support하는데에 focus를 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 silly mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 수고 하셨습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |