▶ Your Answer : There are some countries that are suffering from the decreasing health and fitness levels coupled with surging average weigh of its it's citizens. In my opinion, the main causes are due to the general deficit in social welfare and the following overall unhealthy society. Thus, these problems cannot be solved easily but to keep trying on to enhance the general quality of society <(? unclear).
Frist of all, the general deficit in social welfare system can be summarized into few examples that are excessive working hours of ordinary labour force and increased average food price coupled with low income. In terms of excess working hours, this problem can prevent the people from taking care of their health through adequate exercise. Moreover, the limited lunch time due to a heavy work can force people to go to the fast food restaurants causing overall overweight. Additionally, increased average food price can deprive the low income family of the chance to decorate their table with healthy foods. The only remaining choice for them can be an unbalanced menu that will cause dropping health level.
To solve this problem, the government should not be focused on the limited scope. The high level of general health conditions are following the general social quality. In terms of economy, the ministry of treasury should secure their long term economic plan for continuing growth that can supply the proper and generous welfare budget. When it comes to the ministry of welfare, they it should invest their efforts on the education of people to eat healthy foods rather than junk foods with the importance of regular exercise to prevent diseases. For the ministry of labour (or industry), they it should trying to manage a healthy office culture that can be represented by 'the life with the evening time' which means the proper working hours that can save the enough free time for the workers.
In conclusion, even though it is complicated, total treatment to the general society can cure the problems of welfare deficit that is causing increasing average weight overweight and decreasing health level.
Score: 7.5 Comment: 질문에 대한 답이 아주 좋다고 생각합니다. 다만 spelling mistakes가 너무 많습니다. 글을 쓰신 후 꼭 proofreading을 해주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |