▶ Your Answer :
The past era was lacking in educational
skills, so the recognition of qualification was not enlightened. In the past,
the social skills were the most important skills than that of the
qualifications. As the technology develops, the special qualification related
to technologies is getting important. Recently, because the country's
educational level is higher than that of those in the Industrial Age, everybody would hold
skillful qualifications. Therefore, there are many parts of society are having growing
concerns for the importance of social skills along with the qualifications. <(coherence/cohesion에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
(Need better transition)
An academic qualification is the primary
importance in every aspect. When a person meets another person, the academic
qualification can be the first impression. Without having any information about
the person, the qualification can tell a little bit about the person such as the graduate status and experiences status. Also, usually a qualification is
related to the certain technologies or knowledge, that can provide a fruitful
result. Teachers may be able to teach children effectively and efficiently with
a special qualification, while auditors can provide the auditor's report.
Therefore, in order to achieve well socially and professionally, the acquisition
of qualification is necessary.
However, it does not mean that the
qualification is the only measure the person <(the person what?). Since humans are a social animal,
the certain behaviours that are socially accepted behaviours have evolved
according to human civilisation. As society develops, the appropriate use of
social skills is developed. Social skills are used in every aspect of human's
daily lives. Every meetings, conversations and physical hand motions can be
considered as social skills. These social skills are very important because it
can create the relationships or isolation. Therefore, the social behaviours are
as important as the qualifications.
In conclusion, the qualifications are the
proof for the person's ability to bear fruitful results, whereas the social
skills are the nature of human's evolution. Therefore, it is important to have
both skills.
Score: 6 Comment: 내용은 좋으나 질문을 잘 답해주고 있지 않습니다. 글쓴이는 왜 social skills and good qualifications이 중요한지 서술을 해주셨습니다. 질문은 많은 사람들이 social skills along with good qualifications에 지금 focus 하고 있는지 아닌지에 대해 묻고 있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 왜 중요한지 외에 왜 이 aspects/skills에 focus를 하고 있는지 서술을 해주셨어야합니다. 그 외에는 silly mistakes에만 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 글쓰시는데에는 크게 문제가 없어 보이십니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |