Topic ▼ Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that this is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting. Write an essay expressing your point of view. |
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Your Answer ▼ Traditionally, females have done larger tasks bringing up kids then males globally. It is considered as something natural, because of the difference in gene (gene 이 적절한지는 의문이네요. 저도 생물/성별 쪽 전문가가 아니라 정확한 확답을 드릴 수는 없어서 그냥 두겠습니다.). In my opinion, I partly agree with the sentence above. In general, women used to do more house-related cores (양육/육아 쪽으로 한정지어주셔야 합니다.) while men used to work outside over thousands of years. This trait is shown among not only human beings but also most animals. Men are generally stronger than women, and women are usually more sensitive than men. Therefore, the roles had been separated by nature. Nevertheless, the world has changed. People no longer have to fight against dangerous beasts compared to the past. Men do not need to carry extremely heavy products like they did in the ancient society. Machines represent rough tasks which men solved in early periods. Namely, the environment is totally different from the past. Therefore males and females can swap or do together their riles regarding to their situation respectively nowadays. Furthermore, recent psychological studies reveal that father’s upbringing is highly helpful for forming a stable inside for children. The young who spend more time with their dads normally adjust to society better than the ones who have much more time with mom than with dad (mom/dad 는 구어 쪽에 속하는 표현이라 가급적이면 사용하지 않는 것이 좋습니다.). In conclusion, it can be said that women had better condition to rise their children in the past. Notwithstanding, as the environmental condition has changed, men are similarly as good as women at parenting. |
EXAMINER’S USE ONLY |
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Total Score: 7.0/9 |
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TR (Task Response) |
CC (Coherence and Cohesion) |
LR (Lexical Resource) |
GRA (Grammatical Range and Accuracy) |
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6/9 |
7/9 |
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7/9 |
Comment ▼ 일단 기초체력에 해당하는 (어휘/문법) 영어 실력이 좋으신 축에 속해서, task 2만 놓고 보면 어찌저찌 7점에는 맞춰지겠고, 요령만 익혀나가신다면 그 이상도 노려볼 수 있을 것 같습니다. 물론 현재 상태로는 task 1 때문에 총점에서는 웬만하면 떨어질 것이고요. (10000명 중 한 명 정도를 제외하면, 전 수험생들이 공통으로 task 1을 더 못 씁니다.) 대신 영작 실력이 뒷받침되니까 task 1 쪽도 요령만 익혀주시면 금방금방 오를 거에요. 우선은 task 1을 한번 보고 더 말씀드리겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :) +글이 간혹 양육에서 벗어나는 경우가 있었는데, 이쪽으로만 한정지어주세요! |