Universities should develop methods to
support students who come from rural and disadvantageous backgrounds.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
University is a place where students can learn not only their profession but also how to socialize with others just before being socially responsible adults in society. However, the most vulnerable students in society are in the danger of isolation or frustration in the university. Thus, university (college 라는 동의어가 있으니까 잘 활용해주시고, school 도 문맥에 따라 제한적으로 쓰일 수 있습니다.( should improve their specific methodologies to aid them.
The underprivileged students are likely to grow up in the very limited educational environments, because of lacks in financial supports. Thus, they do not have diverse experiences that help them make attractive characteristics or certain interests in their daily lives. Since friendship can be started by finding common factors having commons between two people persons, the deficiency of specific interests makes them hard to socialize be socializing with others during the university period. As a result, they hardly learn find it hard to learn how to be decent and mature adults in university, which means that university easily fails to fulfill their visions.
Furthermore, the students who come from the countryside or poor backgrounds have to deal with residential problems unlike other pupils students. To solve that problem, they generally work as a part timer while studying. It seems viable or reasonable, however, working and studying at the same time render students distracted and frustrated, which can eventually lead to them being absent be absent in several classes or failing to learn properly. If the university offers financial aids or free residential spaces, they can fully concentrate on their studies, so that they can reach their academic goals as they wish as an university student.
In conclusion, I believe that the university must help underprivileged students with financial and mental aids. (이유를 요약해주세요~! 서론이나 결론 중 한 문단에는 이게 반드시 되어야 합니다.)
총평: (6/7/7/6) 6.5
문법이 6이라기보다는 6.5 정도로 판단되는데, 어차피 제 점수는 전혀 중요한 것이 아니니까 그냥 참고만 해주시고, 결론에서 아몰라라 주장만 적고 마무리하지 않도록 주의해주셔야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
263/ 24