The bar graph indicates the number of film's sales and rentals annually in various formats in a store from 2002 to 2011.
Overall, the number of rentals and VHS sales demonstrated the a downward trend, while there are generally upward trends in the number of DVD and Blu-ray
sales. In regarding the number of DVD sales, however, it also showed reductions.
Looking at the graph more closely, one can
see that the annual number of rentals has been logged as the biggest figure of
sales compared to the others at more than 175,000 in 2002. However, it decreased gradually by the end of the
period to less than 60,000. In case of VHS sales, it recorded
around 80,000 (이 8만이 언제 나온 수치인지에 대해 적어주셔야 합니다.) but, it diminished moderately and finally in 2006, it
disappeared completely. In contrast, we (가급적이면 1인칭은 쓰지 말아주세요~) can see the dramatical
rise in the number of DVD
sales, which figures noted
from less than 50,000 peaked at more than 210,000 by 2007. After that, is has dropped slightly by 2011 to approximately
180,000. Finally, Blu-ray was released from 2007. The number of
Blu-ray sales was so poor but it has shown a modest upward
trend, which recorded more than 10,000 in 2011.
총평: 훨씬 깔끔하네요. 지금처럼 overview 가 잘 잡힌 것과 이전처럼 그렇지 못한 것에는 큰 차이가 있으므로 주의해주시고, 현재 표시해드린 자잘한 오류들도 조금 수정해주시면 되겠습니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
첨삭을 토대로 다시한번 작성해서 올립니다. 감사합니다!!