Nowadays, many families have both parents working. Some working parents believe other family members like grandparents can take care of their children, while others think childcare centers provide the best care. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Unlike the past, the proportion of working parents has gradually risen, with the increase in increasing women’s participation in diverse industries. Consequently, there could come out controversial two arguments. The main topic of these suggestions is related to that who can take care of children except for their parents. In this essay, I will introduce two arguments and assert my opinion with some reasons.
To begin with, some people claim that a member of the family can replace the role of guardian from the absence of parents. Children can adjust to the situation when their parents should go to work. Because children are familiar with their kin, they do not need to have fear. In addition, the cost is lower than childcare centers. Parents could not have the burden what is preparing tools for children to do some events in education institutions. (여기는 댓글 한번 주세요!) In the case of the elderly people, they can spend a lot of time playing with their grandchildren. It can solve the solitude which older people could usually feel after retirements. The elderly people will feel new emotions from their grandsons grandchildren, on the contrary children can learn practical skills and polite behavior.
Nevertheless, others emphasize that childcare centers are more suitable for children. One of the reasonable reason (연속해서 쓰였으므로 둘 중 하나는 대체해주셔야 합니다.) is that there are experts specialized in the education of children. people People who do not have thorough knowledge did not study a knowledge of children could tend to force their suggestion to a child. It can be expressed as a bad habit. However, specialists should have specific plans to teach students and detailed purposes to encourage children to be grown. In this way, parents can anticipate more professional care than that the education at home. Not only that, but parents could not guarantee the member of the family’s life perfectly. Kins who are responsible for looking after their cousins or grandchildren could undergo diminishing their time. (여기도 같이 댓글 주세요!) It will provoke the conflict of family.
To sum up, it is evident that while educational institutions can lead more successful care than the family could become a critical agenda in modern society. I agree that children can be week in a new atmosphere so that their psychological problems could arise. However, the member of the family can do enough roll to relieve children’s sho가. (문맥상 초록 부분이 내 의견에 해당되죠. 그러면 이쪽에 집중해주시면 됩니다. 파란 부분은 최소화 혹은 삭제해주세요. discuss both 유형에서 결론은, 철저히 내 의견 전개의 역할을 수행해야 합니다.)
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0 children 의 경우 동의어가 많은 편이니까 이걸 잘 활용해주시고, 문법에 큰 문제는 없었지만 댓글이 필요한 부분 등은 GRA 외에도 CC에 영향을 같이 주므로 다양한 문장에 욕심내기보다는 의미 전달에 충실해야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)