The graphs given depict the proportion of three different types of unhealthy nutrients contained in typical meals in the USA. In general, Sodium and Saturated (소문자 시작해주세요!) fat are mainly absorbed via dinner while added sugar intake is done the most by eating snacks.
To be specific, sodium is
mainly in dinner table with 43% of figure and followed by lunch with 29% of
figure while the sodium in breakfast and snacks is only 14% of figure respectively.
Likewise, saturated fat is mainly in dinner and lunch. The sum of percentages
in saturated fat in dinner and lunch is 63%, taking more than half of entire
saturated fat figures.
Meanwhile, added sugar shows a different tendency. The sum of
percentages in main two types of meals noted above is merely 42%. Instead of
dinner and lunch, added sugar is mainly in the snacks. In conclusion, if
someone wants to tackle unhealthy nutrients in his or her diet, the target will
be dinner and snacks. (Task 1은 결론을 내기 위해 존재하는 글이 아닙니다. 주어진 자료 내에서 분석만 해주시면 되고, 거기서 추가적인 부가가치를 끌어내려고 하는 것은 절대 금물입니다.)
총평: (6/7/6/6) 6.5
글에 쓰인 표현들이나 문장 구조가 대체로 비슷한 편입니다. mainly in 이라든지, the sum of percentages 등이 대표적이고요. 이렇게 될 경우 글이 너무 단조로워지기 때문에, 가능하면 패러프레이징을 잘 해주시는 게 좋고, 또한 위에서 말씀드렸듯이 절대로 결론을 내거나 부가가치를 끌어내지 않도록 해주세요! task 1은 유형불문 철저하게 객관적이어야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)