The given graph illustrates the percentage of three different age
groups in a particular country from 1960 along with predictions to 2040 and predicts it to 2040.
Overall,
it is clear that the proportion of people ages aged over 65 years old is expected expects to
increase, while those for other groups will be deceased in the future.
Looking
at the graph in more detail, the figure for aged 15 to 64 accounted for around
55 percent in 1960 and has dropped to a half (이것보다 명확하게 표현해주셔야 합니다. 반이라고 하면 기본적으로 저 55%에서 반을 의미하는 쪽으로 해석되는데, 현재 의도하신 것은 50%의 의미이므로, 이 애매함을 걷어내주셔야 해요.) in 2020. Furthermore, it will
gradually be fallen to 45 percent approximately by 2040. Meanwhile, people aged
under 14 is followed somewhat similar pattern with those for 15-64 group begun at
one third of the total population in 1960 and forecasted to decline to around 10 percent by 2040.
However,
while the rate of people aged over 65 years old was 15 percent in the beginning
year, it is estimated to rise to the same rate with aged 15-64 by 2040. Besides,
the figure for people over 65 has been surpassed that for under 14 since 1990 according
to the given data. (14세 쪽을 따라잡는 것을 먼저 넣어주세요~)
총평: (7/6/6/5) 6.0
문법이 5점이긴 한데, 아마 웬만한 채점관은 6점을 줄 것 같긴 합니다. 단, 저는 평소 문장들에 비해 나사가 하나씩 빠진 모습들이 보여서 경각심의 차원에서 조금 내린 것도 있고, the ~~ of/for ~~ 의 구조가 거의 글의 대부분을 차지하고 있기 때문에 다양성에 있어서 그렇게 좋은 평가를 받지는 못하는 상황입니다.
또한 half/one third 등은 문맥에 따라 중의적인 의미를 가질 확률이 되게 높기 때문에, 사용에 있어 최대한 명확해야 합니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)