The government should spend money to encourage sports and arts in school children, rather than on professional sports and art performance for the general public.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People usually have divided views on the government's money. Some people think that the government should spend money on professional sports and art performance for the public. However, I agree with the idea that the government's money should be spent on schools for children to take part in art and sports classes for two main reasons.
To begin with, learning art and sport affects children positively. However, some children do not have opportunities to learn those subjects because they do not have enough money to learn in private institutes. When the government supports schools financially, children can grab chance to learn sports and art for free. According to a recent survey, children who attended sports classes are less likely to be obese obesity, and also the children can get to know knows how to deal with their stress through drawing and painting. For this reason, the government should spend money on school for children.
In addition, when the government encourages children to attend sports and art in schools by giving subsidies, children can embrace opportunities to discover unknown talents. Most children learn only academic subjects such as science and math in school, so children do not know about their talents. From my experience, I (뒤에도 싹 대문자 시작해주시면 됩니다.) i did not know about my artistic ability before, but after i started to learn art in school, i found my talent. It helped me to choose my future major and job. For this reason, the government should support children financially to take part in art and sports classes.
In conclusion, the government provides schools with subsidies to encourage children in order to take part in art and sports classes because the classes have positive effects on children.
총평: (6/6/6/6) 6.0
문법+어휘에서 사용 단어의 범위 등이 그렇게 다양하지는 않았지만, 그래도 큼직한 오류 역시 없었기에 최소한의 점수는 받아가실 수 있을 겁니다.
내용과 관련해서는, 본론1의 경우 단순히 설문에서 ~~했다. 의 의미없는 분량 채우기보다는 구체적인 근거를 서술할 수 있어야 합니다. 즉, '왜', '어떻게' 스포츠가 비만 해결에 도움이 되는지, 그리고 '왜', '어떻게' 미술 수업이 스트레스 해소에 도움이 되는지를 적을 수 있어야 하는 것이죠. 6.5 이상의 점수가 필요하시면 꼭 이러한 살 붙이기에도 신경써주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)