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Many problems have occurred in schools by some students nowadays. In case of students, school is seemingly not a place to learn some academic things anymore, but the realm to make problem. >> 너무 많이 간 느낌이 있습니다 I am going to will discuss the causes of this problem and will suggest several solutions for this phenomenon.>> Nowadays, a number of problems committed by students stand out. Their attitudes are increasingly going daring toward schools. I will ~~ 식은 어떨까요?
The first reason for students` negative behavior is because of less home education >> 주장은 단언적이어야 하고 첫 시작엔 부사가 표현해주는게 좋습니다 First of all = Firstly = To begin with 중 하나면 될거에요. In other words, the parents are inclined to not not to educate much to their children in the household at home. The home-education training is crucially important >> 의미 중복입니다 for students to build their fixed identification. The students are subject to the home education a lot, so >> 많은 가정 교육의 대상이다 라는건 굳이 필요하지 않은 내용인 듯 싶습니다 the students, who has less educated from their parents, tend to easily make easily a problem in the school.>> 주장 설명 정리 의 형태입니다 정리가 아닌 예시로 설득력 등을 올리는게 더 좋겠네요
역시 부사로 시작하는게 좋습니다 Secondly, Likewise, Moreover, Furthermore, What is more 등으로 써주세요 The second ground is that schools do not prepare some lecture program classes which can make students encourage students >> encourage 목적어 to 입니다 to focus on studying>> schools do not encourage their students with novel classes. Nowadays, most schools just teach students in the same way as on the past old one. Students occasionally need occasionally something to refresh their feeling,>> because 앞뒤론 콤마가 붙지 않습니다 because they normally feel frustrated to of studying a lot. If there is no any means to refresh them, the students will defy to their teachers and be rebellious to get off relieve their stresses.
Otherwise, to solve these problems, the parents should carefully educate carefully their sons or daughters. Especially, when the students get >> 앞에 get off 도 그렇고 여기 get도 그렇고 get은 굉장히 많은 뜻을 가지고 있습니다 그래서 어휘력에 안 좋으니 최대한 피해주세요 the adolescent period>> when the children are at their puberty, the parents should supervise them to recognize their identification in a positive way.>> 예시가 없으니까 그 positive way 가 뭔지도 하나도 모릅니다 제대로 전달이 안 됩니다 In additionally, the teachers also need to prepare a various lecture program to arouse them to study such as recreations, games, and personal consultation. >> In addition 부터 읽어보시길 바랍니다 앞에 내용들과 같은 맥락인지요 다르단 걸 알 수 있죠? 그럼 새로운 주장이란겁니다 In addition 자체가 새로운 주장을 나타내요 그러면 문단을 나눠줘야 합니다 한 본문에 두 주장이 들어갔을 뿐 아니라 이미 5문단인데 문단을 더 줄 수도 없죠
To conclude, there are many solutions to minimize the school problems. However, the fundamental factors such as ~~ 해서 항목을 말해주세요 are that depend on parents. The procreators should observe their children in a houses and schools have to install some solutions to reduce the problem.
혹시 문법공부를 많이하라고하셨는데 어떤 문법공부를 해야될지 모르겠네요ㅠㅠ
문법의 다양성이없어서 그런말씀하신건가요??ㅠ조언부탁드립니다...
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말씀드린 부분들 encourage 나 다른 기본적인 문법에서 오류들이 많습니다 그런 기본적인 부분들 틀리지 말라고 한 것들이구요 우선 문법보단 논리가 제대로 형성이 되지도 않고 주장다운 주장이 있지 않습니다 본인의 의견을 주장하는데 두 번째 의견은... 이런 것보다 두 번째로, 뭐뭐뭐 한다 이게 훨씬 설득력 전달력이 있습니다 우선은 Task1 쓰면서 기본적인 문법들 잡아보시는게 어떨까 생각이 드네요 또한 예시가 없습니다 예시가 없으면 주장을 설명해봤자 또 설명에서 나오는 부분을 보충할 것이 없게 됩니다 참고해주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |