▶ Your Answer : With the development of computer, people can get acquire >> get 동사는 좋지 않습니다 information from the Internet including art>> 예시를 포괄적으로 한 두개 더 쓰시는게 좋구요 또한 컴퓨터 자체의 발달로 인해 인터넷으로 정보를 얻을 수 있단 것은 맞지 않습니다 기술 정보 산업의 발달로 인터넷이 활성화되고 정보를 얻기 쉬워진 것이죠. I believe that, although everything is accessible through the Internet, I do not think there is no need for museums and galleries.>> 테스크에서 전혀 언급이 없는 부분이네요 First of all, the Internet provides every type of information including art. Many people can use the Internet to watch the works>> 일을 watch 한단게 어떤 뜻인가요? 감시하는건가요? anytime and anywhere without going an art gallery or a museum. It is also useful way to save money or time. >> art와 museum에 한정시킨 것은 좋지 않다고 봅니다 On the other hand, it is impossible to overcome an original difference. Although the computer has functions close to miracle, a genius craft works as containing spirits of pixel on the screen. In addition, these days, the awareness of values of life values is increasing among people. Thus, people try to enjoy their free time by watching concerts and going museums. The advanced citizenship are connected with the respect of the art. >> 길어서 끊었습니다 Therefore, the facilities showing an exhibition have distinguishable roles themselves because it serves professional guides of information regarding art. In conclusion, I would argue that, although the Internet offers a great deal of information regarding art, it is less likely to pick up right knowledge. In this respect, art galleries and museums will certainly exist with their benefits. >> 어색합니다
전체적으로 글이 짧게 작성되어서 충분한 논리를 펼치지 못했구요 문법도 맞지 않습니다 현재 주신 토픽으로 이 글을 판단하려면 엄청난 감점이 예상됩니다 문제는 역사적 사실인데 본문은 아트갤러리와 뮤지엄이 나왔기 때문입니다
Task Achievement - 4 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.0 예상합니다
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