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No one can not >> cannot 은 한 단어이구요 no 나 not 중 하나 빼주세요 두개를 같이 써서 부정에 부정을 하지 않습니다 disagree with the fact that robots, known as steel collar workers, are widely used in different places. Nowadays, robots become a component of society. However, there are different views regarding this. Some individuals insist that robots bring negative things, while others consider that it gives us positive effects. In my opinion, the latter is more convincing because of its incredible ability compared to people in terms of machinery's indispensable utility.
On the oneset First of all, the advantages of robots are innumerable, which is because robots have led to increased productivity and convenience for people in modern society. In some factories, one of ten thousands workers >> a number of workers are robots, which not only improves the working efficiency, but also enhances productivity instead of workers>>??. Additionally, robots can take place of replace human beings in dangerous workplace which cannot be accessible for us. Therefore, robots have increased insignificantly high productivities and profits in our society. >> additionally 는 주장을 추가하는 말입니다 본문 하나엔 하나의 주장만 써주세요
On the other hand, utilising robots in our society can result in conflicts. This means that the increasing number of robots causes a lack of employment job opportunities . For example, in the past, in the Ford Car factory case of Ford, the huge amount of workers were employed on making cars, while, in Hyundai Car Factory, Korea, many robots make cars instead of manual workers. Furthermore, human's dependant on robots is increasing, which leads people to be lazy. Consequently, increasing number of robots brings drawbacks. >> 어떤 drawbacks 가 있는지 언급도 안 되고 그냥 급하게 끝내는 느낌이네요 어떤 conflict를 가져다 주는지 말도 없구요 불충분합니다
In conclusion, in spite of the fact that dependiong on robots causes demerits harmful effects, I believe that it brings us benefits because of its developing work efficiency and accuracy.
하나의 의견을 정했으면 그걸로만 밀고 나가주세요 그래야만 합니다 250자의 짧은 글에선
어떤 확실히 된 주장과 논리가 펼쳐지지 않고 두 의견 다 다루면서 본인의 의견도 결론에서 그냥 나쁜 영향을 가져다 주지만 난 믿는다 라고 끝내지고만 있습니다 좋지 않습니다 글자수는 248자로 2 글자 모자르지만
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Task Achievement - 3 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
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