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There have been constant arguments if the universities should be responsible for employment of students since enormous >> enormous는 수보단 크기가 큰 것을 말합니다 a number of students go into a university. Regarding this >> 지워주세요, some people would insist that the main role of the universities is that students are educated by scientific knowledge to educate their learners. In contrast, other people argue that the university should teach students using practical ways that are related to employment to have jobs well. In my opinion, the universities higher education should be balanced between concrete knowledge and practical experiences that can make students to adapt new place easily after graduate hunt their jobs well.
First, some people believe that the universities university should play a main role in educating students. Through academic teaching , theoretical lectures, students can learn more concrete and , deep knowledge and it is possible only in the universities. For example, several researches conducted by some educational research institutes show that the students who are educated by specialized professors in the university tend to make new solutions with their academic knowledge when they meet rapid changes in their workplace >> 한 단어입니다 more than the others who are not educated.>> 한 문장이 거의 다섯 줄 가량이나 되네요 실제 시험 종이에 써도 약 3줄 가량은 나올 분량인데 이렇게 긴 문장은 전혀 좋지 않습니다 From these researches, it is clearly said that how important university teaches students by academic knowledge instead of focusing employment of students. Therefore, it is important for students to study in the university.>> 대학은 학생들을 가르칠 때 중요한 역할을 한다 -> 학문적인 가르침을 통해 학생들은 더욱 견고하고 깊은 지식을 배운다. 예를 들어 몇 교육 연구 기관에서 실시된 연구들은 ~~~ 주장에 쓰신 내용이 과연 대학이 취업과 다른 것들 중 어느 것에 더 책임을 져야 하는가에 관한 주장으로 알맞을까요? 오히려 학문적인 지식이 학생들의 구직 활동에 긍정적인 영향을 준다라는 말이 더 주장으로 가까워 보입니다 그래서 서론을 지적하고 싶습니다 두 의견을 모두 택하는건 좋지 않고 그래서 이렇게 본론마저 견고하지 않고 흐지부지 될 수 있습니다 확실히 하나만 정해서 써주세요
On the other hand, in contrast consist of above, some argue that the universities are responsible for employment of students. This is because that the main reason that most students go into universities is to get better>> get 동사는 피해주세요 jobs in their life. Most of students who choose a university instead job after graduating from high school think that they can get better job if they learn deep knowledge and experience practical things,>> 마침표 찍어주세요 According to interviews that people who works in part of personal management, the one>>?? have experienced not only study but also practical experiences related to what they study in the universities adapts quickly to the new work system>>?? 문장이 어떻게 되나요 이미 주어 동사 완전하게 나왔는데 adapts ?. Therefore, >> 문두 부사 뒤 콤마입니다 a great number of companies prefer graduates who have experienced various things during the university the life in university in modern society.
Overall, it is important for the universities to be responsible for both academic knowledge and status of employment status. For these reasons, the universities should effort to balance between both things >> both things가 뭔지 말하셔야 합니다, which makes students to be able to work effectively after graduation.
각 문단 첫 문장의 시작은 한 칸 들여쓰고 해주세요 단어가 굉장히 한정적입니다 뭘 가리키는건지 모르겠는 것들도 나왔구요 대체적으로 문장이 긴 것들이 많습니다 글자수는 340자가 넘어갑니다 그만큼 불필요한 부분들도 보였습니다만 문장들이 길게 늘어져있어 어떻게 고쳐드릴지 몰라서 이렇게 말만 남깁니다 관사 the 사용법 공부해보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
5.5 예상합니다 |