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It is indubitable that several languages are dying out year-by-year. In this respect, many people opine that owing to decrease in languages our lives become more convenient>> ?? the less number of languages can help people to enjoy convenient lives, whereas others hold the view that we human beings should keep the languages due to preserve the diversity of cultural heritage. Thus, both views and my opinion will delve in this essay I argue both views with some reasons.
To begin with, one of the essential factors to be considered is that >> 주장이 어디있나요? if 는 설명절입니다 if 가 절대 주장하는 문장이 될 수 없습니다 if everyone uses united the same language, we they don’t >> 축약형 쓰지 말아주시구요 if 절 동사가 현재면 주절도 현재형 조동사가 나와야합니다 will not have to spend their time to learn foreign languages because there is no language barrier. >> 예시가 없네요 At the same time, it could be realized that global citizens interact with each other very quickly, so that global cooperation will be easy to be taken in industries. It might be true up to a point >> 다른 주장(관점)이 나왔네요 한 본문엔 하나의 주장(관점)입니다
On the other hand, there is, however, another different point of view that languages are worth more much more than the medium for communication language indicates a nation's identity itself. Languages usually reflects on their culture, history, and ideology. For example, Inuits have a lot of terms, which describe different types of snow forms>>?? in order to live and hunt in snowfield. If their language disappears on earth, their cultural characteristics also vanish at the same time. Moreover, languages bond with their speakers more closely. Speaking language means the speakers belong to one specific group, including a nation. In the colonial era, the world powers ban from using colonies’ mother tongue by means of reducing their brotherhood. In consequence, a great deal of African nations have not only lost their languages but also their own national identity. >>moreover 는 새로운 주장을 나타내는 부사입니다 밑줄 부분 지워주시구요 이뉴이트 족에 대한 설명이 많이 부족합니다 보충해주세요 이 밑줄 부분 날려도 233자로 위에 내용 조금만 보충하셔도 250자는 금방 넘깁니다 Recapitulating my opinion, both sides have reasonable reasons. In this overall perspective, I firmly believe that languages have their own cultural heritage, so that it is imperative that we should try to preserve languages around the world to maintain cultural diversity.
본문의 논리 전개가 제대로 되고 있지 않았습니다 가장 흔히들 하는 실수를 범하셨구요 되도록이면 내용 한 쪽만 잡고 서술해주세요 agree 면 agree disagree면 disagree가 좋습니다 250자는 너무 짧아서 한 본문에 한 의견씩 제시하기엔 너무 설득력이 약해지기도 합니다 문장 구성도 애매해지구요
논리 전개 부분들만 우선 제대로 살펴봐주시면 좋겠습니다 필요없는 부분 빼고 본문 하나 관점 정해서 보충 제대로 해주시면 단어 문법 면에서 큰 오류는 없기에 점수가 크게 오를 수도 있을거라고 생각합니다 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
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