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This table chart shows >> 무조건 그래프는 보여준다~ 의 문장에서 동사는 현재입니다 어느 시점이 아닌 현재 보여준단 사실을 말하는 것이기 때문입니다 how many boys British male children in two different age groups(6 to 11 and 12 to 16 years old) enjoyed which kind of sports in the UK in 2010.
First of all, it is clear that football was the most popular sports among boys the kids across the age in both groups group showed, whereas swimming was the least favored sports. Of equal note is that 12-16-year-olds>> 대쉬로 이어지면 2-year-old 처럼 old 에 s 가 붙지 않습니다 그리고 형용사라 뒤에 명사가 있어야합니다 the older group of children participated in sports lesser than younger boys ones>> 이걸 오버뷰 처음에 제시하는게 낫겠습니다 . Young boys Boys at the age of between 6-11 and 12-16 both liked to take a part in football the most, with the highest percentage of 87 and 78 respectively, which was almost twice as high as the second largest figures for cricket at 45% and 34%. While basketball and rugby showed a similar popularity in the two groups, swimming was played popular for the smallest number of boys males of 19% in each group.
In conclusion, although there was no change in preference of sports, the overall rate of participation rate of four sports out of five sports decreased as boys got become older. Swimming, by contrast, remained exceptionally at the same percentage exceptionally. >> 문맥 상 결론인 듯 싶네요 결론은 문장을 정리하는 곳입니다 새로운 분석을 내놓지 말아주세요
우선 오버뷰와 디테일을 나눠준건 좋습니다 그치만 약간 논리적이라기엔 오버뷰 내에서 전개에서 어색한 부분이 좀 있었고 디테일을 제시하는 과정에선 문장들이 대체로 너무 길었단 점이 아쉽습니다 결론도 좀 더 전체적인 관점으로 작성해주세요 문법 좀 더 다양하게 단어도 다양하게 해주시면 좋겠습니다 너무 비슷한 구조들과 단어가 반복되기 감점을 많이 드렸습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |