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The chart illustrates the amount of people who spent time with visiting three distinct kinds of museums such as British, Science, and National History in London during for >> 시간이 나오는 구체적인 범위라면 for 막연한 시간 (during festival, during concert) 이라면 during을 씁니다 four months from June to September in 2013.>> 서론 잘 쓰셨어요
At first glance, it is clear that the British museum was the most popular one despite of some fluctuations over the given period. In June, 600 thousand people visited the museum and the number of visitors reached a peak in the following month with well over 700 thousand, which was more than nearly twice as much as the figure of the others museums. However, there was a dramatical drop in the figure number of guests to the British museum to about 500 thousand in August, while . Simultaneously, the National History museum received the similar number of guests between July and August at just under 400 thousand sightseers. The number of people were who were interested in the Science museum decreased steadily for three months as well. By contrast, in the end, there were gradual growths in the figure of callers to all the museums and reached to over 600 thousand to British museum and approximately 450 thousand to Science and National History museum respectively,
본론이 너무 길어졌어요 ㅠㅠ 또 쓸데없는 부분을 많이 언급한것 같네요 ㅠㅠㅠ 에효... 계속 제자리인 기분이에요 ㅠㅠ
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Science 와 National 의 차이는 크지 않아서 본문 부분에 National 을 설명하는 400 thousand 말은 없애고 본론 처음에 오버뷰에 National 과 Science는 비슷한 트렌드를 유지하고 있다 정도로 쓰시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다 그래프를 색깔만 구별될 정도로 멀리 본 후 분석해보세요 아 노란색이 제일 높네, 파랑 빨강은 비슷하네 정도로 좀 더 넓게 크게 봐주세요 지금 항목 하나씩 언급했는데도 180자 넘었습니다 그러니 150자 넘기려면 큰 부분만 크게크게 짚고 넘어가도 돼요 Task1 은 이제 어느정도 잘 쓰시는 것 같아요 Task2로 써주시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.5 예상합니다 |