▶ Your Answer :
The pie charts compare six different
categories of energy use and greenhouse gas emissions by Australian households.
It is apparent that heating is
the primary purpose to spend household energy on, in Australia, whereas energy
spent for heating water caused the biggest proportion of greenhouse gas
emission. According to the charts, all the categories showed bigger percentages
on greenhouse gas emission in proportion to their actual uses, except for
heating.
영어는 절대로 숫자로 문장을 시작하지 않습니다)> 42% of household energy in
Australia was used for heating, taking the highest percentage. However, in the
greenhouse gas emission pattern, heating was ranked the third, making up only
close to one-thirds of the energy use figure. Water heating was the second top
reason to spend energy on, accounting for 30% of the total energy use.
Consequently, it caused a similar proportion of greenhouse gas.
The other categories all
showed bigger percentages in emitting greenhouse gas than in the energy use.
Especially, other appliances, refrigeration and lighting saw double the
proportion of energy use on greenhouse gas emission, at 28%, 14% and 8%,
respectively. Cooling was a negligible element on both charts.
Score: 7 Comment: 글쓰시는데에는 크게 문제가 없어 보이시고 차트도 잘 파악하신 것 같습니다. 다만 grouping을 조금 더 도드라지게 끔 정보를 전달해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 예를 들어 major/minor그룹으로 나눈것 같습니다. 세번째 문단의 Opening sentence를 The largest proportion for energy use was ~ at ~ 이렇게 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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