▶ Your Answer :
In
general, most museums require people to pay for entrance fee whereas a handful
of artistic and cultural institutions charge no admission. Some people insist
that governments should enable all class of society to enjoy a variety of
historical inheritances by making all museums free. In this essay, I will
discuss benefits and drawbacks of the policy that charge an admission fee, and
suggest my viewpoint on the issue. <(질문에 대한 글쓴이의 주장은 무엇인가요?)
First of
all, it is undeniable that the profits of artistic and historical centers are directly
connected with developments of facilities and services. Therefore, museums
could make improvements in various areas and offer diverse types of services to
visitors through by paying admission fees and investing a certain portion of the earning
into them. Reversely, it means that cultural institutions, which exempt
entrance fees, could not have chances to develop themselves and provide public
with high quality services.
Furthermore,
museums have to receive gate money because it could bring financial opportunities
to make a massive amount of global income into nations. For instance, it is
obvious that the Louvre has attracted a great number of tourists from other
countries, which has contributed to national economy and the progress of tourism
industry. With regard to financial and economic aspects, it is inevitable that
historical and artistic agencies charge for admission. In addition, governments
would give them social and monetary supports to create more and more national
profits. <(이 두 문단을 오히려 한 문단으로 합쳐주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.)
On the
other hand, people call into a question that the policy could deprive social
stratums with economical difficulties of the right to appreciate multiple
cultural and artistic works. However, many museums are operating their websites
to offer multifarious information to people who cannot afford to pay for entrance
fees and it would offset the demerit to a certain extent. Besides, those
establishments have been trying to ameliorate the quality and scope of online
information. Hence, it is expected that people would gain more and more accurate
and sufficient information. <( 이 내용이 topic sentence나 질문과 어떤 관련이 있나요?)
In
conclusion, it is definite that the merits outmatch the disadvantage because
the weak point can be counter-balanced. Moreover, as mentioned above, it is
necessary for museums to charge for admission because it is closely related to
national interests and advancements of the institutes.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 에세이 자체가 글쓴이의 주장을 discuss해주셔야합니다. 그렇기 때문에 introduction에 글쓰니의 주장이 clear해야합니다. 질문에 대한 글쓴이의 의견을 introduction에 clarify하시고 글쓴이의 의견을 body에 discuss을 해주시면 좋습니다. 또한advantage가 있는 것 뿐만아니라 그 장점이 단점을 어떻게 outweigh하는지 서술 해주시면 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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