▶ Your Answer : The chart below illustrates the percentage of the firework injuries in certain situations in 1984 and 1998 respectively at Britain. It seems clear that in both years, the accidents in public shows were the most frequent and the incidents while children were playing alone were the least frequent. But generally, percentages of each situation of incident has been changed in 14 years. As mentioned before, the firework at the public shows look the highest portion in both years, however, it has decreased the most most decreases among the four incidences in the charts. It has decreased from 47% to 33% (Can combine) which means 14% plus to this ???, the second largest portion of this chart has decreased too.<(why is this so?) On the other hand, the other two factors showed increase between 1984 and 1998. The accidents of fireworks at a family party increased from 16% to 28%. Additionally, the percentage of accidents in the children playing alone doubled became more than double in 1998 compared to the percentage in 1984, showing the biggest change among the four factors.
Score: 6.5 Comment: Organization이 필요한 글입니다. 차트를 잘 파악 하신 것 같은데 조금 더 clear하게 정리를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. incidence는 occurrence/accident/happening 이라고 표현 할 수 있습니다. factor는 사고가 발생 한 곳 이라고 보시면 됩니다. factor places where the incidents happened 이라고 해주시면 될 것 같습니다. factor는 원인 보다는 사고가 발생한 장소인 것 같습니다. overall에 대한 내용을 써주셨기 때문에 conclusion이 꼭 필요하지는 않습니다. 글쓴이의 질문을 다 잘 대답해드렸는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
|