What other measures do you think might be effective?
With development of industry, we have the higher quality of life compared to the past. However, it also caused several problems concerning traffic jam and air-pollution. Some people think that raising oil price will be the solution. So, I agree that increasing the price of petrol is the best way.
First of all, if we take it as economic point of view, it can't turn it back.<(what is it and it?) However, some people don't know exactly that there is a temporary expedient at the moment.<내용 연결이 안되고 있습니다.> We will think about the future for our sons and daughters
As a result, increasing the price of petrol will affect it from the economic point of view, and it doesn't matter for the descendant. As I suggested in the essay, it is good for this situation. But if you increase the price pf oil, you will invent to research a new energy.
Score: 2.5
Comment: 전 두 에세이와 같은 문제 입니다. 에세이 형식을 잘 갖추지 않았으면 흐름이 좋이 않아 글쓴이의 생각이 잘 전달이 안되고 질문을 잘 대답해주고 있지 않습니다. 특히 문장구상에 신경을 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 formal essay에는 1인친( I, we, us, our), contraction, informal phrases/words를 피해주시는게 좋습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.