▶ Your Answer :
In contemporary society, the number of
people who suffer from health problems had increased. In this regard, there is
a debate frequently occurred. Some believe that increased construction of
sports amenities would be beneficial to the improvement of public health,
whereas other health experts assert that the priority should be taken place in on
another measure. This essay will be discussed both views below as well as my
opinion regarding this issue.
On
the one hand, it is generally believed that if there is a sports centre nearby
residence areas, they<(who is they?) would get much more exercise. In fact, a survey conducted
by the Korea National Statistic Office(KNSO) has shown that residents who live
in an more accessible area more accessible to sports facilities or gyms are more likely to spend their
time on working out, thereby improving their physical health conditions. As the
statistic illustrates, if the government builds more amenities for residents’
sport activities, desirable outputs, such as increased exercise time, would be
anticipated.
On the other hand, it is suggested that the
first and foremost thing in refining citizens’ health is education rather than equipment for sports. In other word, the government should make a every effort
to stimulate people to be aware of adverse impacts on their lives when they are
not in good health conditions. On the personal level, I have started to work
out at a gym a few weeks ago, even though a large number of facilities have
existed a long time ago in my neighborhood. The main factor that I decided to
exercise was the opportunity to see severe diseases such as obesity, diabetes
and so on through the media. That is, if it had not for the information, I
would not have started physical activities yet.
To sum up, although it is unquestionable
that the increased number of sports facilities offers easy access to residents,
they could not benefit from these useful equipment unless the government
encourages them to work out, letting them know the needs for good health.
Score: 8 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 어순에 조금 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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