▶ Your Answer :
People have different opinions on the purpose
of learning a foreign language. Some argue that people study a foreign language only for working in a foreign country and travelling abroad. However, others including
myself insist that there are other reasons for learning a foreign language. I
will outline both these views and present some reasons.
To begin with, in order to working and
travelling in a foreign country, people should learn a foreign language to adjust to the new surroundings and communicate with native speakers in that country. When people
work and travel abroad, they will feel the significance of learning foreign
languages. <Need better coherence> They will have a lot of trouble for expressing their emotions and
opinions. This is why some people say work and travel are the two main reasons for
studying a foreign language.
Nevertheless, a large number of people
including myself believe that there are other reasons for studying a foreign
language. First, it can help people to understand foreign cultures and customs.
It is obvious that every culture was formed and started by with having their own
languages. Although,
there are many translators in the a globalized society and people can easily
translate a language into their mother tongues through the Internet, there is a still a subtle
difference came from such as the nuance. This can result in misunderstanding when
they communicate with a foreigner. <(이게 또 다른 이유 인가요? 그렇다면 cohesion에 신경을 써주셔야합니다. 그렇지 않다면 문단의 focus가 너무 한 reason에 있는 것 처럼 들려서 reasons 보다는 reason 하나를 주신 것 처럼 들립니다) Also, people can broaden their views through
learning a foreign language because they can read and get more information directly.
In conclusion,
according to some opinions, people acquire a foreign language for working and
travelling. However, I strongly believe that there are a variety of other
reasons for learning it, such as understanding a foreign culture. In modern
society, there has have been a lot of communication between one country and
another.<(이 내용을 에세이 안에서도 mention을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다) Due to this trend, many people have been learning a foreign language not
only for traveling and working but also for many other reasons.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 주로 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 문법상 silly mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 또한 전체적으로 coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
|