▶ Your Answer :
It is believed that governments need to impose more taxes on car owners to enhance the quality of public transportation. There are both benefits and drawbacks by choosing this solution. At first, taking more taxes from car owners encourage them to use public transportation more frequently in order to relieve air pollution caused by increasing number of private cars, and to dispel people’s dependence on cars. Moreover, the money can contribute to further investment in improvement of public transport so that it can be more efficient and convenient. Also, it helps to mitigate traffic congestion. For example, Korea metro companies have been establishing more underground stations for people to commute, so people have become more comfortable, and making bus lanes is also helpful for alleviating traffic jams. However, people know driving cars is much more comfortable than public transport in many aspects, thus, they will be able to choose in spite of being imposed of a lot higher taxes. Furthermore, heavy taxing care owners might be able to raise arise that public transportation is always crowded and dirty at the seats which people get off even though it is not rush-hour <(unclear). <(heaving taxing이 public transportation이 더 crowded하고 dirty하게 cause한다는 것인지 아니면 public transportation이 더 crowded하고 dirty하다고 말을 해준다 인지 잘 모르겠습니다) Furthermore, people could think that they are sardines in a can when they get stuck in too much crowded carriages. Also, pouring in it<(pouring what in it?) can leave a large number of cars not used at people’s car parks, and governments could not cope with disposal of that amount of cars. In conclusion, this solution has both advantages and disadvantages, and government should take into account of both effects by opting for ways <(what ways?).
Score: 6.5 Comment: 장점에 대해서 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 단점에 대해서는 1개가 이해가 잘 안됩니다. 어떻게 car owners를 더 heavily tax하는게 public transportation이 사람이 많고 깨긋하진 않다는 것을 말해주는지 또는 이것을 말해준다는 것인지 cause를 한다는 것인지 잘 모르겠습니다. 예를 들어 car owners를 heavily tax 하면 차를 이용하는 사람 보다는 public transportation을 이용하는 사람이 더 늘기 때문에 생각 보다 public transportation이 더 crowded되거나 더 빨리 더러워 지는 단점이 있다 라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 silly mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 또한 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 특히 똑같은 cohesive device를 반복적으로 쓰시는 것은 좋지 않습니다. 쓰시는/아시는 단어가 한정적으로 보이기 때문입니다. 그 외에는 specificity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |