▶ Your Answer :
the given table
chart illustrates the information measurement of sales about bananas and coffee with
attached Fair trade label in between 1999 and 2004 among the different five different countries.
in brief, what
stands out from the table is that there are both <(both what?) considerable upward trends from between
1999 to and 2004, while the sales of bananas in Sweden and Denmark saw a
significant downward trends over the a period.
in more detail,
the income of coffee was the highest in the on UK with 20 million euros in 2004 and 1999
with 1.5 million euros in 1999 <(정보를 chronologically 전달을 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다). besides, Switzerland has was taken possession at the top rank with 3
million euros in 1999, but it doubled was halved up to 6 million in 2004. however, in comparison, with the section of bananas was the most popular fruit in Switzerland with 15
million euros sold in 1999, then it surged hugely to 47 million in 2004. In addition, the UK
was sold 1 million euros of bananas since 1999 and it was also went up to 5.5
million euros in 2004.
on top of this, the
rest of the other countries were increased their about the sales of coffee and bananas
between 1999 and 2004. meanwhile, during the those period, in which the outcomes of
bananas from Sweden and Denmark only were decreased with 1.8 million euros to 1
million euros and 2 million euros to 09 million euros, respectively.
Score: 6 Comment: 내용 정리/grouping을 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 예를 들어 한 문단은 coffee에 대해서 전달을 해주시고 또 다른 문단은 bananas에 대해 전달을 해주실 수 있습니다. 또한 units는 euros이기 때문에 꼭 euros라고 붙여주셔야합니다. 문법상 capitalization/문장구조/알맞는 표현/collocation/article사용에 틀리시고 계십니다. 또한 halved up 이라는 표현은 없습니다. 2배로 increase 하는 것은 doubled라고 말을 합니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |