▶ Your Answer :
Dear Anna
Hi, how are you? I am Chris.
I have been heard that you are concerning about giving up your dream of becoming a
chef to get a job in a store. I am writing to give some advice to you. I hope my
advice would help you to plan your future.
꿈을 포기하지 않았으면 좋겠다는 의견을 먼저 밝힌 뒤에 얼마나 친구가 요리에 재능이 있는지를 상기시키면서 아래 내용이 연결되면 더 자연스러울 것 같아요. Whenever I eat your meal, I
feel so happy because your food is very delicious. Also, I feel like you are so
happy when you make dishes. So, I believe you are a wonderful cook.
I can see some disadvantages of giving to give up your dream. As you know, the economy is not doing well now.
Therefore, since few stores hire people, it is hard to find a job. Moreover, although even if you get a job, you will get a minimum wage, and it which would not be enough to
sustain your expenses.
If you become a chef, you will
get a lot of money. Also, I believe you will make many people happy. As I said,
since your food is amazing, people feel so happy when they eat your dishes.
If you want to talk with me
about this more, please email me or contact me by call my cell phone.
Sincerely
Chris Chirs
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 6 competent user
질문의 요구사항을 잘 담아주셨어요. 사실상 격려의 편지이므로 격려의 표현을 좀 더 넣어서 다듬어주는 것도 좋을 것 같아요. 품사 관련 문법오류, 오탈자 꼼꼼하게 검토해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammatical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성
|